Fast forward 10 years later, my mother-n-law & I had a squabble. Then SHE gaslighted my mental health reputation to EVERYONE around me. But, she NEVER took her accusations DIRECTLY TO MY FACE. She built her malicious attacks on HERESAY and PERPETUATED bits and pieces of truth with LIES! It left me alone. My husband didn’t want to “take sides” even though he knew his mother was LYING.

My sister & mother heard first hand from the m-n-law her attacks about me. But, were too weak to stand up for me against her. And a year later… welcomed her back into their sight.

And while others who “heard” the gossip first hand (the mother-n-law’s family/friends) only 1 “in-law” came to me to discuss the facts. And that was my father-n-law who chalked up the mother-n-laws lies to “misunderstandings.” He covered her.

The m-n-law even brought her malicious attacks against my mental health to the place I recieved counseling where the director of the women’s center was HER BEST FRIEND.

The best friend spoke about me & my case with the m-n-law. This violates CONFIDENTIALITY. When I tried to apply legal recourse, the director who breached my client confidentiality just blew me off and had an underling reply to my voiced/written concerns regarding the breach of confidentiality to the m-n-law.

The best recourse anyone could have is to IGNORE IT & cut TIES with the TOXIC GASLIGHTING BEHAVIOR! It’s not that easy when it’s family. But PRAY to GOD! Pray PRAY PRAY!

Don’t feed the narcissist’s gaslighting behavior. I swear, I think the actually “get off” on violating you. It’s like a mental “I know I gotcha, and I love it!” It’s icky/filthy/truely diabolical behavior.”

And of course… the best recourse against anyone in life is “To live well!” A man once told me, “the calm one ALWAYS WINS!” When faced with such abhorrent behavior ALWAYS REMAIN CALM & just walk away. Fighting with a sociopathic liar is a pointless realm of wasted energy. Arm yourself with Prayer and distance.

The mother-n-law & all her blind Lemming head friends (blind loyalists) and family members were told I was “crazy”, “insane” and “in need of medication.” Her proof was the fact that I had OCD. OCD, yes is true. But, that was the hardship for me & the embarrassment. I had to live down the fact that I had OCD in the face of the m-n-law’s exploitation of it to suit her own lies.

Fast foward 4 years later, I became a licensed Paramedic.

I prayed and prayed over this gaslighting situation. I had to ignore it and hold my head high. But, being in the same room with the victimizer was like being placed in the pit of a bully who was ready to disembowel my every move. And of course, I was under a microscope in front of the in-law family. Which was added to my anxiety, hurt and nervousness about it all.

In the end, God is control no matter how you feel or how well the victimizer believes they are doing. In the end, we must all stand before God for what has been done to the innocence of victims that had to with stand having been gaslighted directly & indirectly.

The best recourse I held close to my heart for having suffered at the hands of this Gaslighting mother-n-law of mine is that #1) What she did to me, she did to Jesus. He is my savior and master. & #2) We all die sometime and will stand TRIAL before God and MUST ANSWER for what she did to me. If recompense happens in the next life… then I am guaranteed a handsome reward for dealing with her diabolical victimizing.

Half the battle against gaslighting is knowing the dynamic of what this behavior is called and named. Once you are familiar that this kind of behavior is recognized, you can call it what it is. Rather than trying to explain the ambiguity of it all to someone…. That in of it’s self… can make the victim truly sound “crazy.”

["He made sure to never be home and we never had enough $$ to pay for babysitters. He made it impossible for me to work.]–

That is was my current situation, a week ago. There is a way to work.. i can assure you!
It took me some time to do it but you have to ask for help. You don’t have to say much but you have to show desire to work.
I will write a post that will explain how i found work and someone(s) to care for my child while job hunting/interviewing…

Be strong to all of you! Louna

ttrazz: Putting down the other parent to the children is a common device of the N from what research I have done. I hope you will be able to remove yourself and children from his influence and control.

It took me over 10 years to realize I am married to a N. Tough but with all the reading I am doing, I’m looking forward to a better future… in a safe place!

Louna Cee

Louna-
I am pleased to join your Blogroll, and I am glad to know tha my posts and blog has helped you cope with being connected to an N. My sincerest wishes for a bright and safe future away from the craziness they bring to our lives.
ES

The hardest part has been that when trying to decipher the abuse, I tried to reach out and was inflicted with secondary trauma from people who are unaware, and or use the methods themselves.

I don’t know if I will ever recover, as the more I look at it, the more I see that many men in my life gaslight me to have control. Half the time, they do not even know they are doing it. But as I have learned, I need to trust that sick feeling in my gut. It tells me something isn’t right, even when the world seems to be gaslit crazy.

Trust in our own perceptions.

It all goes to the fact that they are totally self-loathing. True love, empathy, and emotion is completely unknown to them.

The main problem is that real feelings cannot be “understood” by analyzing- and that’s all they have to work with- it’s all a theory to them. That being the case, they act out and are compelled (compulsive) to do so.

They truly are out of control…stuck as a selfish, petulant and unrepentant six year old forever,

Liv

Like you, I too excused his bad behaviour and was totally supportive…. until he finally abandoned me..

Its so sad to read how many of us have been affected by Ns.