Can you tell a Narcissist by his eyes?
This sweet cat would no doubt be offended at the comparison.
The individual asking Google the question used the phrasing “Can you tell a narcissist with his eyes.” I don’t think you can necessarily tell what kind of human being a person is, by their eyes.
I have only known one bona fide narcissist and I know what his eyes were like.
Some people are shy, they can’t look you in the eyes for very long. It’s not that they are dishonest, it just makes them uncomfortable, makes them feel vulnerable, to look in another person’s eyes for very long. Being a victim of a narcissist left me feeling fragile and fearful to let people see my eyes. As if, they would be able to see the pain that was written there.
Many people like myself have been harmed by individuals who portrayed themselves as genuine, when in actuality there wasn’t a human emotion in their being….the only emotions they had, were mirrored from another living, breathing person. To look a narcissist in the eye is the beginning of losing a part of your self…they take so much – they take as much as they can and then they leave the shell of their victim behind.
There is the famous phrase that says: ”The eyes are the windows to the soul.”
I don’t know if that is true or not. People would be afraid to look anyone in the eye if it was. Everyone would be able to see each others flaws, hurts, their darkest secrets. We know (those of us who were/are victims), that narcissists have no soul…at least it seems that way to us after we have been abused by them for a season or in the unfortunate cases of some…a lifetime.
Since the demise of the narcissist, I have gotten good, or should I say better at reading people. I like to think of it as radar or maybe N-dar. It would be even better to say that I listen to my Intuition now. I watch body language when I meet people; when I interact. I watch how people comport themselves…I watch their eyes. I look to see if they attempt to ‘lock me in their gaze’ and not look away.
There’s a Red Flag waving.
Sometimes I wish I had Sookie Stackhouse’s (True Blood) gift of hearing thoughts. She would be quick to say that she does not read minds, but rather thoughts and feelings. But like Sookie, it is impossible to ‘glamour’ me. Sorry Bill…Sorry Eric, it won’t work.
I will tell you one thing about the narcissist’s eyes….his eyes changed color.
I know, I know, it’s not supposed to be possible, not without contact lenses.
I know it sounds like something out of Hollywood or a popular novel…Edward’s eyes changed from golden to black, when hungry.
I can only tell you what I saw.
The N’s eyes would turn black when he raged or during an episode of Devalue & Discard (we’re not talking Dungeons and Dragons)
His eyes changing color was something that happened many times.
Truly, his eyes looked like a shark’s eyes. Empty, cold and unfeeling….just like him.
This post attracted me for a number of reasons! I’ve been fascinated with and have been burned by Narcissists, and we have a Turkish Angora cat with one blue eye and one amber eye. Well, actually, we no longer have him. Paddington (that’s his name) has moved to San Francisco to be re-united with his original owner. So I miss the guy and was happy to see this cat.
Oh wow.
My N’s eyes changed color, too. First picture I saw of him on the internet, they were so blue. After we met I discovered they are usually a sort of brown, golden even. He usually wears polarized glasses so one doesn’t often actually see what the color is. And when enraged, they turned very dark.
The last time I spoke with him, several months ago, now that I am free of all my emotional issues with him, I took a good look at those eyes. And I thought to myself, “Fish eyes. Flat, no feeling.” And now I read this.
Thank you, thank you for helping me remember that I really am not crazy.
Hermite:
Oh! You are so very welcome. No, we’re not crazy. In discussing the N it’s the last thing that I ever mention, about his eyes turning black, because I feel like whomever I am talking to is going to get “that look” on their face. You know the one…”Get a net.” As if the rest of all the crazy making behaviors that he exhibted are normal.
Thank you, you made my day!
I can confirm the spooky eye change as well.
Both my N-father’s eyes and my recent N-ex-boyfriend’s eyes changed and became like glazed black marbles. Fish eyes is a great way to describe it.
Empty, void and portraying the deep nothing-ness of their soul. Vacant, harsh and and marble black. Like black holes to suck you in.
Other times (when they were charming / wanted something) they could be soft and a nice brown, even hazel – but when they were about to attack / attacking they turned jet black.
I only wish I could have seen it and ran before my soul became a ravaged wasteland.
Lesson learned!
Thanks for your blog and posts!