I am fairly certain that Dr. Seuss was NOT referring to a Narcissist when the quote above was attributed to him….
Am I a better person for having been in a realatioNship with the N?  I’m not sure.
Am I grateful to have survived the experience?  Yes!
Can I smile because it happened? Hell no.
But after two years being totally No Contact – I can smile because he’s Gone! 

Every year I post about the Christmas tree fight that my husband and I have every year, whether it be the size & shape of the tree, getting the trunk into the stand, or my personal favorite:  untangling the lights.
I am happy to report that there was no fight this year – I just did it myself.
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays

ES

This Sunday, the 11th of December, at 7:00pm, whatever your time zone, it is the International Candle Lighting ceremony to remember those precious children who, for any reason, left this Earth far too soon. I will be thinking of all your little ones as I remember the precious babies we never got to hold in our family and extended family.
Praying for a peace that passes understanding.
oxo
ES

I was wandering in a local craft store and found this sign.
It is perfect for so many posts re: The N.

As the sign says – How indeed? The sign above this one is barely visible – but it fits too…”Give Thanks!”
I do every single day.

The N does not always have to be a romantic partner. I got attached to my ex boyfriend’s son when he was 10 years old. He grew up to be a histrionic narcissist and during the idealization phase this kid made me his world. I thought he loved me. He was attached to me because his parents were not there for him. Well he told me at 21 years old that he was not attached to anyone. Not his parents or girlfriends or me. Now he will not speak to me. I have always been there for him loving, spoiling, caring…etc. He is just usually worried about his image and his hair. This has been painful to say the least, as painful as any loss or breakup. I have lost a child that I never had. He is not mine but his “real” family does not mean anything to him either.

I would love to respond to this individual, however with the email address that is listed – I cannot.
Everyone needs to remember that when you are doing business on the web – if you have what anyone would consider as a questionable email address – you are very likely to be deleted.
I hope that if Sherri is for “real” & that she will contact me again with a different email address.

In the mean time – what do you think of her situation?  Tough place.  Someone you love like the child you never had, but he cannot return your love.  So very tragic.

ES

Good Morning to all of you.
For my loyal readers, I know you remember me frequently talking about the “glare, stare, gaze” of the N.
Especially during times of “Devalue and Discard.”
I had a comment yesterday from and individual who mentioned that the “reptilian gaze” is a phrase coined by a Canadian doctor named Robert Hare.  If you click on the link below, it will (hopefully) connect you to a research article where his term is mentioned by another author.  The article is fascinating and creepy at the same time.

Here’s an example:

One psychopath interviewed by Hare’s team said quite frankly: “The first thing I do is I size you up. I look for an angle, an edge, figure out what you need and give it to you. Then it’s pay-back time, with interest. I tighten the screws.” Another psychopath admitted that he never targeted attractive women – he was only interested in those who were insecure and lonely. He claimed he could smell a needy person “the way a pig smells truffles.”

(My apologies to Anthony Perkins for using his publicity photo.)

The Psychopath:  The Mask of Sanity

Sometimes I get my ideas for a post by using the search engine terms.  One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging.  She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…”  I call these my FAQ’s – Frequently Asked Questions.

I have been asked a few times on my blog, if I think that there are levels, or stages of NPD.  I actually had never really thought about it before.  I never got past the fact that I was targeted by a very sick individual.  I never wondered if there were other narcissists who weren’t as bad.   I spoke to a psychologist recently and she stated that “like anything, NPD is a spectrum disorder.”

Here’s some things that we know  – speaking of N’s.

We know that (or educated individuals have stated) Narcissists get worse with age.

We know that they have been classified into two types:  Cerebral & Somatic.
Think of it this way:  Cerebral N’s are brainy and Somatics think that they are “all that” sexually.
There is research by a Theodore Million, where he suggests that there are 5 subtypes of narcissism.  But in reading through his descriptions, in my humble opinion, I still think they still fall into one the two categories.

We know that narcissism has been filed into the Cluster B (dramatic) personality types with Histronic, Borderline and Antisocial. There also seems to be some agreement that there is a spectrum to Narcissism.

There is Healthy Narcissism…we take care of ourselves…we shower…

There are narcissistic traits that some people seem to have and yet they are still very nice, kind individuals.  We may chalk up these trait(s) as simply as a few character flaws.  Maybe this individual has just a few of the 20 traits of the N.

Then, there is the full on Narcissist – don’t mess with this one…..too late.  This is no doubt the type that we all were taken in by.
The N I “knew” had 17 of the 20 traits…although he probably had the other three, I was just lucky enough to not have witnessed those behaviors.

Some psychologists believe that lastly at the far end of this spectrum is “Malignant Narcissism” where all the traits of the narcissists are unleashed – including the rage.  If any of you have witnessed an N in full on rage, you know what I am talking about.  Take cover.

While I was researching this “frequently asked question” I found information about an interesting book entitled, Identifying and Understanding the Narcissistic Personality  by Elsa F. Ronningstam.  (You can find it on Amazon) It is a college/post grad source, from Oxford Press, published in 2005.  It was actually amusing to read the small portion of the book that was shown in the link…(you’ve got to buy it in order to get all the information) because the author was basically plagiarised on many of the internet sites I found while looking for answers.

I think it is safe to say that psychologists feel that yes, there is a spectrum of narcissists and their behaviors and if you get the choice, take a pass on having anything to do with one.

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