“Arrrrh…there be spoilers ahead….”  Oops – wrong movie. 

I managed to round up, feed and get three “tweens” in the car yesterday morning in time for us to catch the first showing of “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”  Try explaining to kids in “summer time brain mode” that the odds of seeing a premiere at the second showing on the day it opens is a rare thing indeed. 
They were surprised to see a queue around the building. 
Pardon my British “accent” but I’ve just finished a great book that I will post about soon.  It’s all done in British dialogue and I’ve rather picked it up.  That, and the kids thought that we should watch all 5 previous movies to prepare for the new one.  I’ve sounded a bit like Molly Weasley all week.  I was the only one who re-read the book; I told the kids the books would have Bonus Materials not found in the movie. 

I’m glad our theatre was filled with mothers, kids and retired people.  No one hushed me when I had to explain why Hermione was crying in the stairwell with Harry…why Harry was comforting her…and why Ron doesn’t seem to get it. 
It was my niece who asked, “Why doesn’t Ron get IT?” 
She’s years beyond her cousin in relational comprehension and she’s only 3 months older. 

All in all we gave it a Four Thumbs up. 
You’ve got to love “Ginny Weasley” in this clip. 
In the theatre, all 3 kids lean into me and said, “Mom! Auntie E…she sounds like you!” 

The video has been disabled by request.  Click on the YouTube link to view.

    “Today is Thanksgiving!”  Written and illustrated by P. K. Hallinan.  This is a sweet poem for children as well as adults.  His illustrations remind me of Precious Moments figurines. 

     Enjoy, and Happy Thanksgiving!

     Today is Thanksgiving, and an icicle breeze nips at your window and whips up the leaves. 

Ah, what a morning!  The cold autumn haze brings visions of Pilgrims and Indians. . . and maize!

So wrap in a blanket and don your warm socks and pretend you’re descending an old Plymouth rock.

And with football in tow, downstairs you go.

Already the kitchen’s beginning to swell with all the aromas you know oh-so-well!

The scent of potatoes rides lightly on air.  The fragrance of turkey encircles your hair. 

And the pie’s slowly baking – it’s apple, you’re guessing – while celery stalks boil to help make the dressing. 

And you gladly pitch in, rolling dough nice and thin.

Then it’s off to the den, where the TV is tuned to a colorful parade full of floats and balloons! 

And you watch for awhile, but soon it’s all done, so you roll out the door for a stroll in the sun. 

And the chilly air tweeks your nose and your cheeks.

Now here come your friends racing onto the scene!  They’re ready for football in their jerseys and jeans!

So you quickly choose sides and mark off the goals, using jackets and earmuffs and telephone poles. 

Then with one mighty kick the game starts to click. 

And oh, what a game!  So many trick plays!  You sneak to the mailbox, then streak the wrong way! 

But then a long pass over driveway and grass is caught near the earmuffs – a touchdown at last! 

And everyone sighs as you end in a tie.

Later, back home you quickly get dressed and shine like a diamond to impress all your guests.

And here they are now!  It’s the whole family clan!  Why, it’s dear Auntie Pansy and big Uncle Stan!

And everyone’s bearing some food for the sharing. 

Soon there are roomfuls of nephews and nieces.  The cat’s on the table – the dog’s got the sneezes. 

And Uncle Tobias is asleep in the chair, while Petey the parakeet creeps in his hair. 

And the whole house resounds with hilarious sounds. 

The time has arrived for the meal to begin, so you dash to you chair with a flair and a grin.

And the hot giblet gravy brings loud “oohs” and “ahhs,” but the sight of the turkey draws a round of applause. 

Then all heads are lowered as you join in a prayer, giving thanks for your blessings and the gifts witing there.

And with grace at an end, you whisper, “Amen.”

The meal is a wonder, a cranberry dream.  There’s a crisp garden salad and fruit in whipped cream. 

And the portions keep coming – the rolls and the yams – till your tummy’s so full it’s too crammed to expand. 

But you let out a sign and make room for pie. 

The evening soon fades into games and charades, and the clan drifts away like a tired parade. 

Then, alas, it’s all over, the laughter and fun, for now Auntie Patsy has hugged everyone.

So you head up to bed, then stand in your room gazing out of the window at the gold harvest moon.

And the last thing you do is smile and say. . .

“Thank you for Thanksgiving!  What a wonderful day!” 

      My pies and cheesecakes are finished…the pecan pie…..the plain stuffing, (none of that fancy stuffing for my boys), the Jell – O salad actually cooperated this year…the cranberry sauce, the olives, the pickles…hopefully, this year Auntie Pansy will remember the rolls that everyone loves…my boys alone can eat a dozen.

     The hot genre right now in young adult literature is ‘Vampire Romance.’  Unless you have been living on a deserted island for the past three years, I’m not sure how you could not have heard of the books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.  Written by Stephenie Meyers, Twilight is about a teenage girl named Bella Swan who falls in love with a “17 year old” boy (still after 100 years) named Edward Cullen, who just so happens to be a vampire.  For me, it’s just a typical day at work. 

     This happens to be “Twilight Week” and I dare say that tens of thousands of teenage girls (and boys) are getting ready for the release of the new film adaptation of Meyer’s first book, opening on Friday, November 21st.  The premiere, Monday night in Westwood, CA…was one hot ticket.  The book, Twilight was released in the Fall of 2005, and teenage readers (and adults) have been crazy about it ever since.  Yes, I am going to see the movie….it’s sort of expected. 

     A more adult Vampire Romance series is written by Lyndsay Sands.  It begins with A Quick Bite and ends with (currently) Vampire Interrupted.  (I hope she will write more.)  These books are funny, sexy, and sarcastic.  While Meyer’s characters (spoiler) wait until their wedding night to consummate their love, Sand’s characters give into their desires with fervor and frequency….it gets quite steamy.  These books are delightfully witty and addictive.  I would LOVE to see these books turned into movies.

     The genre of Vampire Romance is not new.  In 1976, Anne Rice’s books became hugely popular with the Vampire Chronicles beginning with An Interview With a Vampire.  At some high schools, there two factions of kids, those that love Anne Rice and those that love Stephenie Meyer…a type of ”Rice vs Meyer” debate. 

     Some students have sided with their favorite main (male) character in the Twilight saga…there are hot debates between “Team Edward” & “Team Jacob” as well as T-shirts that boldly proclaim their allegiance.  (For those not in the know, Jacob is the underdog, literally…werewolf from the Indian reservation of La Push, WA.)  Whatever side they are on is not important, just as long as the students are reading. 

     The author Charlaine Harris’ books have prompted the HBO series True Blood.  I will freely admit that I am hooked on True Blood.   I have not read the books yet, but the first three are on hold for me at my favorite book store.  (Warning: On the TV series, the “F-bomb” is dropped, frequently.)  The actor who portrays “Bill” has got to be the most handsome vampire I’ve seen.  Sorry Rob, but my first born is a year older than you.)

     But really, this post is not about vampire romance novels.  It’s about a trait of the Narcissist.  I finally understood (Emotional, my word) Vampirism after I read Marie-France Hirigoyen’s book, Stalking The Soul- Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Idenity.  This book is a validation for anyone who has been abused by a narcissist.  Last year a friend found this book and recommended it to me.  She read parts of it over the phone to me until my copy came.  That’s a true friend.  This is the first book I’ve read re: abuse and Narcissism, where the author did not blame me, the victim, for the situation I found myself enmeshed in.  This book was an epiphany to me.  Advice when reading?  Keep that yellow highlighter handy. 

      Up until this point in my recovery, I had not read about Vampirism as it could apply to the Narcissist.  Webster’s Dictionary defines Vampirism this way: Vampirism: n. 3. the act or practice of preying ruthlessly on other people.  Preying on others, seeking them out, ruthlessly…without pity or compassion…that would be the N.  While N does not bare his fangs to suck the blood out of his victims, he does suck the life, the joy, the motivation, the personality….from them. 

     The following are quotes from Stalking The Soul specifically the section on Vampirism.  There is so much good material I wanted to share, I had a hard time knowing where to stop.  The book is so good; You will have to order it from Amazon yourself.  The author’s words are concise and accurate, I found myself often saying, out loud…Are you talking about the N I knew? 

The partner doesn’t exist as a person but as a prop for a quality the abuser wishes to appropriate…

Abusive Narcissists intensely envy those who seem to posses what they do not or those who simply enjoy life…..They attack the others self esteem and self confidence in order to increase their own self worth…they appropriate the others self worth…

They try to destroy the happiness around them…they undermine simple relationships because of cynicism and their incapacity to love…They impose on others their dark vision of the world and their chronic dissatisfaction with life…

Their critical sense is highly developed, so they spend lot of time criticizing everyone and everything; this allows them to remain all-powerful; “If others are worthless, that means I must be better than they are.”

They dampen the enthusiasm of the people around them, seeking foremost to show that the world and its inhabitants are evil and that their partner is also bad…One sees in abusers wild infatuations followed by brutal and irreparable rejection….

People around them don’t understand how someone can fall from grace in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason……!!! 

Validation!  Thank you, I’ve never understood the fall from grace either. 

      How are these individuals so alike in their dysfunction?  After reading posts from so many women, (statistics show that more men are narcissists than women) I’ve entertained the thought that they ALL must have graduated from the same Alma mater…but they certainly could not have been in the same dorm….there wouldn’t have been enough mirrors to go around.  I am only able to joke about the N now because I am away from him.  Everything about him was poisonous. 

       At the end of this so-called friendship my self esteem was slowing ebbing away.  I was only capable of mirroring the shell of the human being I had become.  Like Dracula’s bride, would I have become a Vampire like him on the third bite?  Would Van Helsing have had to ’stake’ me?  The Narcissist continued the various types of abuse that he inflicted upon me on a daily basis.  Some days he might throw me a bone, with a kind word, or sometimes I got a glimpse of the man (Pretend guy) that was my friend. (idolized).  But that was soon gone, as he sucked the last drops of humanity from me.  The strange thing is, when I look back on those years, the photos I see of my self, I look normal…but I was far from it. 

     I finally figured out that the N wanted the beautiful qualities (human) that he saw in me.  He set out to appropriate all things positive.  Slowly, over the course of many months, he drained me of the very things that made me, me.  The good news is that I have slowly gotten my identity back; but I will never be the warm, trusting, kind soul that I once was.  Maybe that is for the best.  I think it would have been simpler if the N had been wearing a T-shirt that said “Beware – EVIL.”  Perhaps he was, maybe he had it on under his “sheep’s clothing.”

  During one of those long summers filled with trips to the library, picnics on the floor, afternoons in the park, MOPS outings…..loved those trips to the fire stations….the handsome firemen…..hmmm…..ooops…..pardon me!  Back to my point, we found another treasure at the library in the form of a picture book during one of those summers. 

Fall Is Not Easy, written and illustrated by Marty Kelley, is a charming book for young children as well as elementary school students.  Sam loved this book.  This was a book that we checked out the maximum allowed…three times, then I ordered it through Borders Book store. 

Fall Is Not Easy was a favorite read aloud of mine during story time for Kinder through sixth graders.  This picture book talks about seasons, but focuses on the fall.  I found that there were not many ‘Fall’ books in elementary school libraries; I would often bring my own books to school.  It seems like there is always a “budget crisis” and spending money on books for children is a low priority for “administration.” 

Sam loved the simple, but colorful illustrations in the book.  Every child who has ever sat in a circle in front of me has laughed at the ’story of the tree that doesn’t quite know what color to turn, come those cool days of fall.’  It is a quick read, but very interactive for kids of all ages.  I once read this to a small group of children with very special needs.  They loved it!

There are two more fun fall books for children that we’ve found over the years that I want to share with you.  I think they are unique and fabulous because of their illustration styles. 

The first book is called It’s Fall! written by Linda Glaser, the cut-paper illustrations by Susan Swan.  It was the was the three dimensional cut-paper artwork that really grabbed my attention.  Being a scrapbooker, I was fascinated by her designs.  The illustrator layered hand painted papers.  When she hand painted the paper, she was able to give the effect of depth and dimension, not to mention the gorgeous colors of autumn. 

Paper layering is a scrapbooking technique that I have used several times on my pages, but not with the fabulous results that the illustrator had here.  She featured Canadian geese, Monarch butterflies, and squirrels, all fabulously detailed with layered paper.  My favorites were the tiny nesting owls.

The author and illustrator have also teamed up to produce books for the other three seasons.  I plan to purchase them just for the amazing illustrations alone. 

The third book I want to mention is Dappled Apples written by Jan Carr and illustrated by Dorothy Donohue.  Along with the rhyming text, there are intricate illustrations created by using handmade paper, that was cut, layered and crumpled.  This technique gives the pages texture and dimension.  The first double page spread of the book are trees with leaves in vibrant autumn colors.  I can’t wait to try and duplicate this on a double page scrapbook spread in an album I am working on.  As with Glaser & Swan, Carr and Donohue have also produced “Splish, Splash, Spring” that incorporates the same unique style of illustration.

 Even though we are drawing to a close on our elementary school days….that doesn’t stop me from enjoying picture books.  The next time you are in a book store, walk around the children’s section.  I guarantee you that you will find several books to take home.  Treat the child in your life with a new book.

Update Fall 2009

Our elementary days are over, yet that has not decreased my love of children’s picture books.  Just today, I had a lovely comment from the illustrator of It’s Fall, (along with Spring, Summer and Winter too) on my blog.  I hope you will click on comments and stop read her kind words.  Be sure you check out Susan Swan’s website, either listed below or on my Blog Honor Roll to the right. 

When the boys were little, I learned that every summer, starting in mid June and running through the end of August, the public library has a reading contest for children.  Children would get a special map or book log, depending on the theme, to note which books they had read.  Each week they would get to move their name tag along in the “reading race.”  There were great little incentive prizes each week.  A free ice cream cone, free book marks, (my kids love book marks) a coupon for free french fries at McDonald’s…etc.  To a stay-at-home Mom, free is the magic word. 

At the end of the contest there were grand prizes awarded like a trip to the zoo, or an amusement park.  That was fun, and my sons won a few, but nothing could compare to the wealth of memories that we had reading books together.  Usually, we would leave the library and take our “new” books home.  Each boy would have a bagful.  I would make a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and fruit. The boys would lay down beach towels, even Sam would help by meticulously arranging his favorite blanket just right.  Then, we would have a picnic on the living room floor. 

The library would usually have several read a-loud story times during the contest.  Sometimes it was a contest to see if the boys could sit still that long.  They always did well though.  Sometimes the older librarian would comment on how well behaved they were.  I would thank her, thinking silently to myself, “just be grateful that I keep Sam on my hip, lady!” 

She was a cute little old lady, the picture of the typical librarian, simple proper dress, granny glasses and her stone gray hair piled on her head in a bun.  The boys thought she was ancient.  Come to find out that she had gone to the same elementary school that they did….whoa!  Guess that’s why there’s a measure on the ballot to improve the elementary schools in our area….Are the schools that old?!

While the older boys had long since left the picture book section, Sam loved that area.  When he was about 3 years old, he discovered “Mean Soup.”  Whether it was the bright colors and graphics or the fact that he could nearly read it himself, he was hooked.  We renewed it three times, the library’s limit.  I special ordered it from Borders and sometimes we still read it just for fun. 

Sam was very impressed that the book’s introduction lists three boys names…the same as his brothers.  He somehow managed to get a marker and add his own name to the dedication page.  It’s okay, it was our copy. 

“Mean Soup” was written and illustrated by Betsy Everitt.  It is a wonderful book.  We give it two thumbs up!  As I read through it again, I could almost hear Sam’s little voice reading it along with me.  The hero of the story has had a very bad day.  His mother knows just what to do, and they make Mean Soup together.  It seems to me that the author must have had a little boy who frequently had bad days.  I can relate to a woman like this, Sam often had VERY bad days, once school started.

I remember an afternoon after a day very much like Horace’s when I took out the huge spaghetti pot and filled it with water.  It had been a bad day for Sam; it was going to take stirring the spaghetti water to the boiling point for him to ‘cool’ down.  While he stirred and yelled into the pot, he was finally able to tell me about his bad day.  (The child psychologists I talked to, never thought up anything this ingenious…thank you Betsy Everitt for your wisdom.)

I read a review of this book.  It said the following:  (Paraphrased)  ”In the last illustration, Horace and his mother “stir away the bad day’” while having their backs to the reader…too bad, it lessens the emotional impact.” 

I don’t know about that; I can almost feel the warmth in the kitchen as the water boils, heating the room.  I can sense the love the mother has for her child, as she stands close to him as he calms with each circle of the spoon.  She exhales a deep breath, thankful, that while she knows that she can not make all the bad days go away, she has eased the upset of her young son on this day.

     We’ve always read to our kids.  When the boys were little, Dr. Seuss was the author of choice.  When Tim, Matt & Pete were little, there were many books we loved.  But when Sam came along, it was as though there had been an “explosion” in children’s literature.   Maybe it was because the older boys had long since left the picture book section. 

     When Sam was a tiny baby, a good friend of ours (we called her “The Book Fairy”) started bringing Sam books.  She never came over without bringing gifts; we finally had to forbid her from bringing presents except on special occasions.  Being who she is, she came up with her ‘own special occasions.”  She introduced us to so many great children’s books.

     One of mine and Sam’s favorites, was “Good Night Moon” written by Margaret Wise Brown, illustrated by Clement Hurd.  I remember sitting in the glider in Sam’s room at night, him in his yellow blanket sleeper, his little head nuzzled in my neck while I read to him.  Afterwards, I rocked him to sleep.

     “Goodnight Moon” is a delightful little book.  It was first published in 1947.  Our copy was a ‘board book,’ a book with hard cardboard pages just in case a certain someone might nibble on a page or two.  We received several books for young children by Brown.  ”The Runaway Bunny” & “The Big Red Barn” became another two of our favorites.

     One Christmas when Sam was about 5, I found  a copy of “A Pussycat’s Christmas” in a book store.  Brown wrote the text in 1949.  Anne Mortimer provides the reader with the illustrations, and they are fabulous.  Being a ‘cat people” we especially love this book.  For our family, it is a must read every holiday season.

This was said about Margaret Wise Brown on the Internet…..

Can you finish this sentence?  “In the great green room…..” To those who could complete the opening line of Goodnight Moon, chances are you’re a parent. It is the rare mom or dad who makes it through their child’s toddler years without memorizing at least a portion of this classic bedtime book. It’s no accident this story has lulled millions of children to sleep for over fifty years, since its author was one of the pioneers of children’s literature.

     “Goodnight Moon” now has a cute parody.  It’s called “Goodnight Goon – A petrifying parody.”  Written and illustrated by Michael Rex.  It’s a perfect book for Halloween time for young children.  Rex kept one of the adorable themes of the original book and added the tiny white mouse in his edition.  In Brown’s version, young children can look to see where the tiny mouse is going to be on the pages.  Watch what happens to the mush by the end of the book.

Postscript…

     When Sam was born there was a “parenting philosophy” that was considered “gospel” by many of our friends.  We did not hold to these beliefs.  Sam was fed when he was hungry, we held him when he needed comforting, we did not let him scream himself to sleep.  I picked him up when he wasn’t crying, we adapted our schedules to fit his newborn rhythms and (gasp!) sometimes, no, he was nearly always rocked to sleep.  We were determined that we weren’t going to follow some rigid routine thought up by some *$%+!*#* author who wanted to pass along his or her ”whacked out style” of child rearing.

     So – We were rebels.  I’m glad & I still think about that when I check on my sleeping child in the middle of the night….I’d do it again in a heart beat.