I really am a boring person. With the exception of the “DRAMA” of having a narcissist in my life, my life is relatively quiet. My husband & family are great, my job is quiet – there’s lots of shushing involved…..
My idea of an exciting Friday night is spending the evening with “scrapbooking friends.” One evening in the early spring of this year I was driving to my friend’s home. It was sunset, and I was making a left hand turn onto a major street. The sun was bright, the glare was intense, and I thought I had seen a flash of light. “Could that be?” I thought, I was across the intersection long before the light turned red. It was a fun, productive evening of scrapbooking, & chocolate. Whenever chocolate is involved, it’s a good time.
Two weeks later, during spring break, an envelope arrived. I NEVER get anything addressed with my full name. My husband said, “You better open this, it looks official!” “What?” I said, “I mailed our taxes on time!” I opened the envelope and started hyperventilating. There on the enclosed paperwork were photos of my car, license plates, bumper sticker stating that “I am the parent of an honor roll student”, and a picture of me in the driver’s seat. Then, there was the bill. “Please send $427.00 for your ticket and traffic school.”
When my husband retells the story, he says I was shrieking. I remember it differently. “Do you know how many sheets of scrap book paper, stickers and embellishments that would buy!? I got my first ticket on my way to SCRAPBOOKING!?!” After about ten minutes of…..okay…I was ranting. My husband leaned over my shoulder, looked at the photo of me behind the wheel and thoughtfully said, “…..but honey, your hair looks really good!”
For the last few months, I have avoided that intersection. My vow to boycott that city has been a problem, since there is a CPK in that area. But I do have a new route to my friend’s home. I had an extension on my payment, arranged to attend traffic school during my summer vacation, and forced myself out of bed at “oh dark thirty” on a Saturday.
Traffic School reminded me of jury duty, with a few exceptions. One, I don’t have to pay to go to jury duty. Two, I can go to jury duty and read for 8 hours, which is my idea of fun. Three, during jury duty I have never had to sit and listen to some long-winded person going on and on about something that reminds me A LOT of…”Word Salad with the Dressing on the side….”
(Shameless plug for a previous post….)
The instructor was very good. He reminded me of the drill seargent on Gomer Pyle…(oops…I have just carbon dated myself.) It was a nice refresher course…but really, $427? Yes, I know it’s supposed to be painful, so it won’t happen again, but 5 am on a Saturday? I could have bought the driver’s manual for $7.00. Since everyone’s driving skills can always use a little reminder, here are a few highlights from the Saturday from hell:
“Your brakes got wet or failed?” Pump ’em / downshift / Get off the road! “Your windshield wipers or headlights failed?” Get off the road.
(I’m seeing a theme here.)
“You see a car coming head-on toward you?” Well, here’s a no brainer. PRAY! Honk your horn, flash your lights, speed up and move as far to the right of the road as possible.
“What would you do if you were driving in snow or ice?” The correct answer is “Slow down.” I liked my answer better. I would be at home, curled up with a good book after putting another log on the fire. The instructor smiled when he heard my “shout out.”
“What would you do if you car caught on fire?” Seriously? GET OUT!!!
“An aggressive driver makes an obscene gesture at you?” Ignore him…and check his license plate to see if he’s the narcissist that you’ve been avoiding like the bubonic plague.
There are also some laws on the books in California that have never been cleared. Did you know that it is illegal to drive in a ‘housecoat?’ Someone better tell the mothers at the neighborhood elementary schools.
In Glendale, it is illegal to jump into a moving car…..has anyone told, say Steven Segal this?
In Long Beach, it is illegal to have anything in your garage, other than a car…..I’m not one to point fingers, but I know people in Long Beach, who could be arrested even as we speak.
In San Francisco, is is illegal to dry your car off with a pair of underwear…. I don’t believe that ‘clean or dirty’ was specified. Neither was ‘boxers or briefs’…V.S. ‘thong or bikini’….although a thong would be pretty impractical for drying off the car. But honestly, who’s going to check for something like this?
Finally, in Hollywood, it is illegal to herd more than 2,000 sheep down the city streets….. I’m not going there! I’m not going there!
P.S. Are you wondering what I am going to do with my lovely traffic light photos? Yes, you’re right. They are going on a two page layout…..now if I can find just the right paper…..