True Story ~ Names have been changed to protect the relationally challenged:
I’m waiting in line at my favorite Chinese place. There is one woman in front of me, waiting….the man behind the counter is waiting on a man ordering enough food to feed the 5,000…..no loaves and fishes for this guy…..
Woman in front of me begins having a very animated conversation…..on her cell phone…
“Relationship? Relationship! You think this is a relationship?!
We don’t have a relationship! You don’t even know the meaning of the word!
Do you EVEN know what a relationship IS Michael?
How many times can she use the “R” word in a conversation?
La lala….look at the art work on the walls, hmmm…what did those people order?….
Hmmm…maybe I will order two veggie spring rolls…
…Hope they wait on her soon.
Even the panda bears on the restaurant’s advertisements don’t want to hear the tirade.
They have magically come to life, like the paintings at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry.
One is covering his ears with his paws, the other one has stuck his head in a bowl of orange chicken.
Can I join you?
“You think it is FINE to call me when it’s convenient for you? That’s not a relationship Michael!
You think you can just go and hang out with your buddies and call me when it’s con-veni-ent for you….Michael…..?”
Oh oh – she used the “F” word….FINE ….that can’t be good.
I hope they take her order soon….la lalalalala…I’m trying not to listen.
Before cell phones we were never so privy to the private moments in people’s lives.
If I want this kind of drama, I can watch reality TV.
Trust me, I don’t.
I work with drama every day….all I need to do is eavesdrop on the teenage girl “He said, and then she said” conversations.
Thankfully I’ve gotten very good at blocking.
I got my first cell phone in the early 90’s. It was huge, weighed 3 pounds and when it was flipped open, it was bigger than my forearm.
No wonder my purse weighed a ‘ton’.
How cool I must have looked whipping out my cell phone to make a call.
I had the black “Scully X-Files Trench coat.” I was set.
The battery pack for the phone was larger than the cell phone I have now.
I also had a pager…how tight is that?
(As my sister says, “Now don’t you feel important?”)
I had the pager to make it easy for attorneys and their assistants to get a hold of me…..I don’t remember why they didn’t just call me?
“What about ME! What about my plans Michael? When were you going to call me?”
I’m thinking to myself…’Scuse me…..but if you are having to ask him “What about me?” Then he doesn’t give a horse’s ‘pa-too-tee’ about you….just my two cents….
Honey, you’re only going to need one pair of chop sticks tonight.
A woman and her young son walk in and come to stand behind me.
The little boy repeats over and over…”Mommy! I want the *”Cream sneeze raccoons!'”
The other mom and I exchange the “isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever heard” mommy look.
You know the look I’m talking about.
Mr. “Five loaves and Two fishes” has his order….he requires help to the car…..glad I’m not feeding 4 hungry boys every night.
It’s finally Ms. Cell phone’s turn….does she hang up on Michael? Does she tell him she’ll talk to him later…e.g. the next millennium?
No! She just drops her fancy little bit of technology into her jacket pocket, and in the sweetest voice, orders a three item combo…
(Hope she eats it in front of Michael…)
Once her order has been taken, while she waiting for her shrimp….out comes the cell phone again.
“Fine Michael, call me when you leave your brother’s….
I have to wonder:
Has Michael has been talking to her jacket pocket the whole time she was ordering?
* = “Cream Cheese Ragoons” – They are won ton wrappers with cream cheese in the middle…deep fried