When we break the NC rule, we are really sabotaging ourselves.
You’ve heard the saying “Two steps forward, three steps back”?
Well, break NC and it is more like “Two Steps forward – Ten steps backward into hell.”
There’s a reason it is called No Contact – it means just that.
To break this hold the N has on your heart and mind – You’ve got to find something else to occupy the space that the N held in your life. This space….that seems like an overwhelming void……
I don’t mean that you should fill this void with food, over eating, binge eating or worse yet. a relationship or sex with another man. Because sadly, being the N’s x-target you are at a very vulnerable place where it is easy to become the victim of yet another N.
Read a book –
Paint your kitchen –
Take a course at your community center –
Learn how to knit or crochet –
Make blankets for chemo patients to use while they have treatments –
Clean out a kitchen drawer, the garage, a closet –
Have a garage sale after you clean out that garage – Donate the money to a woman’s shelter.
If the stuff you sold belonged to the N – Spend it on yourself!
Was there something that you always wanted to try (hobby, craft, sport) but the N ridiculed you and told you that you would fail?
Go try it.
Take delight in the fact that you would be pissing off the N by doing something he/she did not allow you to do.
If you are successful – all the better. If it turns out to be something you don’t enjoy doing, then you’ve grown as a human being.
Did you want to go back to school? Change your hair color?
Did you always want a pet and the N went into a rage at the mere mention? Go to your local pet shelter and adopt an animal.
But no, you can’t text him to tell him about it. Defeats our purpose here.
Have you ever wanted to volunteer? There are so many places that you can help others. I’ve always wanted to volunteer to hold babies in the hospital, to be an extra pair of hands for the nurses. But that is something that will have to wait until retirement.
Find that “niche” – whatever it may be. If you find that you don’t like it after all – at least you’ve tried.
You’ve made a contribution to your community and possibly the world.
Someday, you will get past the feelings that seem like a “black hole.”
Once you get past the incredible longing for the absolutely worse thi (N) g that ever happened to you –
You will find yourself asking:
“Dear God! What did I see in that a** h*** anyway??!!”
*Photo found at Shrink for Men on their post regarding No Contact. Good information - substitute he for she where applicable