Sometimes I get fantastic comments to my posts – This is one of those times.
Fanny has been commenting for sometime now and yesterday sent me what is her closure letter to her narcissist if she was going to mail it. We all know that “closure” is something the narcissist is not capable of delivering.
Thank you Fanny for agreeing to share your letter.
A LETTER TO MY NARCISSIST:
It has been exactly 25 days since I hung up the phone on you and cut you out from my life. To me, it is a situation that I knew will happen sooner than later as I no longer felt the sacrifices and efforts that I have put in to our relationship was worth it . You have basically achieved your goal in killing off my love for you. With the realisation that you are a narcissist and that you do not love me, I have all the answers now explaining your despicable behaviour.
The seven years have been a state of confusion and chaos for me. Yes, the idolisation stage was short and sweet and for years I felt intoxicated with your masterful lovemaking and romanticised our ‘love’. I wrongly interpreted your interest in my work and activities as ‘love’ but now I know it is ‘control’ and your unquenchable desire to make use of my contacts and convert them into your source of supply. But from your crazy unexplained rages, dark moods, long silence and erratic demands, you have grown worse every year. Meanwhile, I felt like a person slowly being striped of her energy and pride. Even then, I tolerated the abuse because I thought you loved me and were going through so much yourself just to keep our relationship alive. I wanted to believe I was the only one who understood you. How wrong I was! Little did I know that you needed me and our relationship because of your dire need for narcissistic supply. Everyone you attempted to enslave as secondary source walked away but I stood by you all these years. You could see I have so many good friends and you were not only jealous but you tried to recruit some of them. it has just dawned on me that you made up those stories about my girl friends either because you wanted to isolate me or you were angry that they told me you said improper words to them. You have indeed manipulated me, tricked me and hurt me. When I think of all the situations where I have been managed and exploited by you and knowing now that you obviously hate me and are jealous of me, I feel so shaken. I am convinced now that you had other lovers and you had lied and cheated me.
I guess I must have been a challenge for you and I am sure I am your greatest source of supply. You used my resourcefulness, contacts and money to achieve your needs. To keep you impressed I stupidly , unconsciously always outdid myself in providing you information, gifts , answers to everything you needed and even didn’t know you needed. You hated being dependent on me but you kept pushing the boundary with me but I never failed. What finally broke the camel’s back (mine) was the abuse, ill-treatment and bullying. It confused me but now I know you are a vampire. It’s over. I am done with you and I do not want to continue to be your slave. I don’t really care what you think and how you feel but being a narcissist I am sure you will blame me and as you said earlier, say its my big loss to let you get away. LOL. That’s a joke isn’t it? But the joke is on you because you actually believe it yourself.
Imagine, I suffered for seven years and yet I kept taking the abuse and begging you to take me back each time you dump me. I was walking on eggshells all the time and desperate to please you. You kept me dangling , waiting perpetually to serve you hand and foot. Everyday you had a list of chores for me to do for you. Rain or shine, sick or busy, I had to drop everything to serve you. But you never ask me how I am when I am sick and never cared for me. You were callous with me, selfish and demanding. You didn’t like my friends and took advantage of me financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. I could not fathom why a man could treat his loved one such. Imagine my horror when I stumbled upon the word narcissist this year and discovered the real demon you were. Everything adds up. The evil words you spew on me, your rages, your coldness and you selfishness….. Your actions and the fact that you had no friends and were constantly trying to take advantage of people …..the list is endless. When I think back, I am certain some of the things you asked me to do were in anticipation of blackmailing me in the event I become a problem. You did that on everybody .
It’s been six months since I found out that you are a narcissist and yet I went back to you . But each time you raged at me, I drifted further away and I knew I had to resolve all the loose ends before I could finally walk away. Well…. The day came and I am now free.
Sometimes I feel relieved and happy. Some times I feel sad and miss your false self and dread the loneliness ahead. It’s true that victims of narcissists suffers from inner emptiness but getting a narcissist to fill in the gap is like swallowing poison. I now know I have to keep myself occupied and busy and pamper myself. I keep reading a lot about narcissists and their behaviour because I want to remind myself the person you really are and not revert back to you. Yes… I was addicted to you before but not any more because, I can’t stand your abuse and your humiliation any more. I no longer feel any joy in your presence.
You did try initially to contact me on the pretext of some issues or other but my monosyllables answers clearly shows I am not bothered. I know you are too proud to make contact particularly since I have always been the one to call you after a fight.
Well….. I can imagine that you initially thought I was going to come crawling back. Then you would think you would punish me when I eventually call you. (Boy, do you love your punishments!) Now I know you would have realised it is indeed over but convinced yourself you are better off without me and its my great loss to let you go. There are many younger, beautiful young women waiting to fall for your handsome face, wonderful body and swoon over your masterful lovemaking (these were your own words). You have gotten rid of an old lady like me whose figure has started to sag and memory starting to fade (all your own words ) and you are better off. Oh boy, when I almost believe you were right in saying my memory was failing and you confused me intentionally by denying things you had said, blaming me for things I didn’t commit……..I am only 57 years old and a high corporate CEO of a company . People know me as a smart, capable and strong woman. A leader in the industry. How is it possible that I can allow you to manipulate me and tell me I was suffering from dementia like my 85-year-old dad. How cruel!
But you went too far, taking the challenge of trying to break me made me rebel and question your sanity. You tried to convince me I was stupid and losing my memory. You called me fat but when I lost weight you demanded I put on my weight back immediately!! You said I am old (yet people always say I look good) and you look twenty years younger than your age and women were falling themselves all over you. LOL. But I feel sorry for them.
Guess what? I don’t care. Good luck and good riddance to you. I am lucky to get away by the skin of my teeth and that you have not achieved your goal to destroyed me completely like the vampire you are and ruin me not only emotionally but financially. I don’t want to be bitter or blame myself anymore. I just want to forget you and move on.
I have no need for revenge or closure. It’s a complete waste of my time . Please just fade away from my life.