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Archive for the ‘NO CONTACT’ Category

….Am so weary of these comments from ‘the spell caster witnesses’ who want to boast the the talents of Prince BooHaHa and the like. The whole point of my blog is about putting distance between the victim and the wacko narcissist, not for looking for mumbo jumbo ways to get them back.
Spell casters need not comment.

ES

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Perhaps there are a few individuals who need to see this…..

choice

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Sometimes I get my ideas for a post by using the search engine terms.  One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging.  She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…”  I call these my FAQ’s: or Frequently Asked Questions.

This afternoon in between errands, laundry, dishes, cats, taxi service, orthodontist & cats……I saw this search engine term on my blog’s dashboard:

“We agreed to No Contact. Should I call him?”

Ahh hmm.  Is someone playing a game with me here? Must be.
In case you have been living in a cave, somewhere in the desert in…pick the country of your choice….then you have missed the first obvious rule of No Contact.

If it helps, pretend you are playing a game of hide N’ seek with the N.
The object of the childhood game is to be found last – or for our rules, not to be found AT ALL!
There’s no “Ollie Ollie Auction Free” in this game.

Come on – you don’t want the N to win the game do you?  Because if you make contact you have lost.
Don’t make Contact with him (or her) and you will be the winner!  Hooray.

Next, work on the technique of when you do see him out in public – act like he is a total stranger.

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Sometimes I get my ideas for a post by using the search engine terms.  One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging.  She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…”  I call these my FAQ’s: or Frequently Asked Questions.

On this summer day, one of my Nation’s biggest holidays, I was asked this question on my blog.
I realize that I have readers all over the world, but I am going to use the Independence Day theme here in my response.
When is it okay to break No Contact?

When is it okay to call, email, text, visit……the Narcissist?

Why would you want to take six steps back into slavery?
Tell me, why would you give up your right to freedom from insanity and contact the narcissist?
Why would you want to be oppressed by a Narcissist telling you what to do, what to think, what to be…?  Wait, there’s more.  They tell you all the things you can’t do: contact your friends & family, think for yourself…should I continue?

I truly cannot think of any acceptable reason for you to break No Contact and have ANY type of communication with the narcissist.
Granted, those who had children with N, have to have some form of interface re: care, visitation, and so forth.  But those of us who have been fortunate to break all ties – why would you want to go back to that again?

The only reason that I could come up with is this:  A “friend” or acquaintance of the N has died and you feel some sick obligation to tell him or her.  Unless the N is mentioned in the will and is set to to receive millions…the Narcisssit is not going to care that this individual has died.  If the N is the sole heir….let the lawyer be the one to break the news.

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When we break the NC rule, we are really sabotaging ourselves.
You’ve heard the saying “Two steps forward, three steps back”?
Well, break NC and it is more like “Two Steps forward – Ten steps backward into hell.”
There’s a reason it is called No Contact – it means just that.

To break this hold the N has on your heart and mind – You’ve got to find something else to occupy the space that the N held in your life.  This space….that seems like an overwhelming void……
I don’t mean that you should fill this void with food, over eating, binge eating or worse yet. a relationship or sex with another man.  Because sadly, being the N’s x-target you are at a very vulnerable place where it is easy to become the victim of yet another N.

Exercise –
Read a book –
Paint your kitchen –
Take a course at your community center –
Learn how to knit or crochet –
Make blankets for chemo patients to use while they have treatments –
Exercise –
Clean out a kitchen drawer, the garage, a closet –
Have a garage sale after you clean out that garage – Donate the money to a woman’s shelter.
If the stuff you sold belonged to the N – Spend it on yourself!

Was there something that you always wanted to try (hobby, craft, sport) but the N ridiculed you and told you that you would fail?
Go try it.
Take delight in the fact that you would be pissing off the N by doing something he/she did not allow you to do.
If you are successful – all the better.  If it turns out to be something you don’t enjoy doing, then you’ve grown as a human being.
Did you want to go back to school? Change your hair color?

Did you always want a pet and the N went into a rage at the mere mention? Go to your local pet shelter and adopt an animal.
But no, you can’t text him to tell him about it.  Defeats our purpose here.

Have you ever wanted to volunteer?  There are so many places that you can help others.  I’ve always wanted to volunteer to hold babies in the hospital, to be an extra pair of hands for the nurses.  But that is something that will have to wait until retirement.

Find that “niche” – whatever it may be.  If you find that you don’t like it after all – at least you’ve tried.
You’ve made a contribution to your community and possibly the world.

Someday, you will get past the feelings that seem like a “black hole.”
Once you get past the incredible longing for the absolutely worse thi (N) g that ever happened to you –
You will find yourself asking:
“Dear God! What did I see in that a** h*** anyway??!!”

*Photo found at Shrink for Men on their post regarding No Contact.
Good information - substitute he for she where applicable

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I was wandering in a local craft store and found this sign.
It is perfect for so many posts re: The N.

As the sign says – How indeed? The sign above this one is barely visible – but it fits too…”Give Thanks!”
I do every single day.

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