Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Musings’

Paraprosdokian

 
Paraprosdokian:  (from Greek “para,” meaning “beyond” and “prosdokia,” meaning “expectation”) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists….and perhaps bloggers –
 
Here is a collection of paraprosdokian wisdom: 
 
 
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
 
Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
 
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it’s still on the list.  (This must be on the Narcissist’s To Do List.)
 
Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
 
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
 
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
 
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is “research.”
 
A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station.
 
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
 
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
 
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
 
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
 
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
 
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
 
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
 
 Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
 
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
 
Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won’t expect it back.
 
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
 
Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
 
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
 
There’s a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
 
I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
 
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
 
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
 
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
 
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
 
Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.  Others have no imagination whatsoever.
 
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
 
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

After more than 2 decades we are moving. 
I am cleaning out the backs of kitchen cupboards that have not seen the light of day in…..? 
In the recesses of one I found a punch bowl set, still in its box, 7 Rubbermaid containers, 6 vintage tins, a gingerbread house kit and an ice cream maker. 
I separated the items into piles…garage sale, discard, storage…
Hubby came into the kitchen in search of trash bags, looked down and said, “We had an ice cream maker?” 

In the light of the knowledge that there are members of our human family injured, awaiting rescue, water and food…the amount of materialism I am packing is truly obscene.

Read Full Post »

Hey-
I was just “carded” at Target for buying cough syrup! 
It just doesn’t get any better than this!

Read Full Post »

In the Sunday Edition of the Seattle Times, they have a feature called Rants and Raves. 
I love it. 
I have been reading this column off and on for the past 14 years. 
Whenever I am in Seattle or when I check out the paper on line, this is the first section I go to. 
Seattle residents might talk about the woman they saw, who didn’t put her child in a car seat or the young pre teen boy who held the door open for an elderly woman. 

I have my own Rant and Rave for today. 

Rave goes to the sweet woman in the craft store who gave me her extra coupon.  Thanks again.  I was standing in line at the store when I had a “V-8” moment remembering that I didn’t check the Sunday paper for the ad.  This kind woman saved me 40% off my entire order. 

Rant to the woman in the Costco parking lot. 

No, I didn’t want your parking place. 
It was not necessary to cuss me out from your car and the additional hand motions were not necessary either. 
I am guessing you are either Type – A personality or Italian….or both.  (I’m Italian, don’t send letters.)
As you later realized, I was waiting for the dear, white haired couple to move out of the way before I passed….I have a rule about not hitting pedestrians.
Especially since the elderly gentleman was wearing a baseball cap with a WW II veteran insignia. 
We don’t have many of them left. 
Gosh, what would you have done if I had gotten out of my car to thank him and shake his now, feeble hand on this Memorial Day weekend?

I drove by your precious parking place. 
I wouldn’t have dreamed of taking your spot; besides, I got one.
Two spaces from the door.

Read Full Post »

cup_and_sauce_with_chair_and_its_shadow_4 

 

There was an extra chair at the conference table today. 
Empty. 
No Narcissist in sight
No reason given for the absence. 
I’m filled with gratitude.

Read Full Post »

595777cup-of-coffee-by-various-foreign-newspapers-postersI have to attend a meeting this week. 
In and of itself, that’s not a bad thing. 
Hot coffee, a comfortable chair, maybe some chocolates scattered on the conference table for sampling…..

Sitting in the same room as the Narcissist….?  Not so much. 
I have been NC (No Contact) for so long now, I have lost count of how many months at this point.  And I have been enjoying every moment of it, let me tell you. 

I know it will sound bad, but I am trying to think of ways to NOT go to this meeting. 
Headache, sick child, sick myself, a hang nail…
I don’t want to mention car issues…my car is running great….knock on wood, Formica, Plexiglass….

I really don’t want to see the *%) #*+(, much less be in the same room with him. 

Some of my friends have told me to suck it up, dress up and pretend the *&^ (*) #%^*> doesn’t exist while being in the same room.  This will be a true test of all these months of research, therapy and blogging. 
I’ll let you know how it goes.

Read Full Post »

 

181019107_d88901c4e8

I don’t hardly ever post about anything controversial. 

I think I can tell you everything you’d ever want to know about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I don’t think that anyone has ever argued with me about my experiences and subsequent wisdom regarding the N. 
I try not to stick my toes into areas where a verbal confrontation would occur.  I had enough of that crap with the N.  Everyone pretty much agrees that these Narcissistic individuals are whacked.  (That’s a fancy psychological term for those not in the know.) 

Having brought new babies home from the hospital, I also feel intelligent enough to talk about babies and how much is involved in caring for this brand new human. 
My sons were alert, robust, healthy, demanding, latch on & down to business (nursers) strong – 8  to 9 ‘pounders’. 

They were not 9 week preemies with breathing difficulties, underdeveloped lungs, various health worries – fragile little sparrows fallen from the nest too soon, arriving  too early for them to fly solo.

Mine arrived one at a time. 
When I needed help, I had a husband to lean on.  Even so, it was over whelming with ONE.  The gear alone, that is necessary for one baby!  Can you imagine….say, I don’t know……maybe EIGHT? 

I just have this “mind blowing” vision of 8 little bundled up ‘burritos’ in two cribs….none of my sons’ bedrooms would have comfortably held 8 cribs. 
A friend of ours, has newborn twins, and a kindergartener.  She has a “support staff” that would make someone in the news – envious.

Can you imagine EIGHT tiny babies that are ALL hungry at the same time…..plus SIX more? 
When we switched to formula, it was roughly 3 cans of dry powder a week for one hungry boy.  That was $33.00 a week, 11 years ago. 
Do you know what formula runs these days? 
I looked. 
On sale – $25.00 for one can of dry powder…that’s not even the best brand, with DHL something or other that is better for optimum brain development.  That one can might last a newborn eating every 2 hours…maybe 3 days. (Never mind the bottled water.) 
Let’s multiply that by……Eight. 
$600.00 for formula per week….and I haven’t even talked about diapers…..

I sure hope she has NASCAR sponsorship…..she’s going to need it.

Thanks to Flicker for the “Binky” photo.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »