Posts Tagged ‘The Narcissist’

N Slayer

I’ve just learned that I have been nominated for the Narcissist Slayer Award 2013!
You can learn more about it by clicking the attached link.


The rules for this award are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them.
2. Put the award’s logo on your blog.
3. Write a blog post and share the blog(s) you have chosen there are no minimum or maximum number of blogs required.
4. Inform your nominees on their site.
5. Share one positive thing that you took away from your relationship with a Narcissist.

Dear Kim: Thank you for nominating my blog for this award. As they say on the Oscars, it is an honor just to be recognized. I’ve placed the award logo on my page, although I assure you I don’t look that hot in “narcissist slaying yoga pants……
As for (the) one positive thing that I took away from the (fresh hell) frie-N-dship with the N would be this….
It is truly an exalted and mind-blowing epiphany…..

“When going in to a fast food establishment….if you are able to serve yourself your own beverage…
taste it first before leaving to make sure there is has proper distribution of soda to syrup…..”

That’s it, that’s all I got for my grief and abuse. Amazing isn’t it?
Not kidding….I can’t make this stuff up!


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Grinch's heart size

I noticed this question was used today in a search engine to find my blog.

Why are narcissists so mean?

Perhaps, like the Grinch, it is because their hearts are two sizes too small……..
I’m not sticking around to see if the N’s heart might grow three sizes one day…..


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I was cleaning out my desk and I came across this bookmark from AA.  Not sure if it came from a convention or some seminar I went to for work – but in any case the AA advice is good for those of us recovering from the torment of being in a so-called “relatioNship” with a narcissist.


Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching.  Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person’s alcoholism (mental illness/narcissism) can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation (From the N, it does require NC/Physical Distance).  Detachment can help us look at our situation realistically and objectively.
Alcoholism is a family disease.  Living with the effects of someone else’s drinking is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In Al-Anon we lean nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s drinking.  We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.  (We are not responsible for another person’s narcissistic behavior.  It is about them, not us.)

Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.  We can still love the person without liking the behavior.  (With the N, however, we need to renounce him or her from our lives – we might love the person we thought we knew, but we must realize that they are “dead to us.”)

In Al-Anon they learn:
Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people.
Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another’s recovery.
Not to do for others what they can do for themselves.
Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit.
Not to cover up for another’s mistakes or misdeeds.
Not to create a crisis.
Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

Very good advice for those in the early stages of detaching from a Narcissist.

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When we break the NC rule, we are really sabotaging ourselves.
You’ve heard the saying “Two steps forward, three steps back”?
Well, break NC and it is more like “Two Steps forward – Ten steps backward into hell.”
There’s a reason it is called No Contact – it means just that.

To break this hold the N has on your heart and mind – You’ve got to find something else to occupy the space that the N held in your life.  This space….that seems like an overwhelming void……
I don’t mean that you should fill this void with food, over eating, binge eating or worse yet. a relationship or sex with another man.  Because sadly, being the N’s x-target you are at a very vulnerable place where it is easy to become the victim of yet another N.

Exercise –
Read a book –
Paint your kitchen –
Take a course at your community center –
Learn how to knit or crochet –
Make blankets for chemo patients to use while they have treatments –
Exercise –
Clean out a kitchen drawer, the garage, a closet –
Have a garage sale after you clean out that garage – Donate the money to a woman’s shelter.
If the stuff you sold belonged to the N – Spend it on yourself!

Was there something that you always wanted to try (hobby, craft, sport) but the N ridiculed you and told you that you would fail?
Go try it.
Take delight in the fact that you would be pissing off the N by doing something he/she did not allow you to do.
If you are successful – all the better.  If it turns out to be something you don’t enjoy doing, then you’ve grown as a human being.
Did you want to go back to school? Change your hair color?

Did you always want a pet and the N went into a rage at the mere mention? Go to your local pet shelter and adopt an animal.
But no, you can’t text him to tell him about it.  Defeats our purpose here.

Have you ever wanted to volunteer?  There are so many places that you can help others.  I’ve always wanted to volunteer to hold babies in the hospital, to be an extra pair of hands for the nurses.  But that is something that will have to wait until retirement.

Find that “niche” – whatever it may be.  If you find that you don’t like it after all – at least you’ve tried.
You’ve made a contribution to your community and possibly the world.

Someday, you will get past the feelings that seem like a “black hole.”
Once you get past the incredible longing for the absolutely worse thi (N) g that ever happened to you –
You will find yourself asking:
“Dear God! What did I see in that a** h*** anyway??!!”

*Photo found at Shrink for Men on their post regarding No Contact.
Good information - substitute he for she where applicable

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Today is the annual blood drive in my office.
I didn’t think much about it at first until I remembered that the N used to make such a big deal out of making his appointment.
He told me that his blood was “special” – that the Red Cross wanted his blood for babies.
I was not quick enough to ask him, “Vampire babies?”

It was after a blood drive some years ago, that the N told me he had an STD.
TMI Dude!
A casual lunch time topic, right?
Just then I started to see through the ‘dense patch of N-fog’, I said, “How on earth does the Red Cross justify giving your tainted blood to precious newborns?” He glared at me and stormed out of the lunch room.
His twisted lies gave me whiplash.
Does no one ever question them on their lies?

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“Don’t Cry
       Because It’s Over,
Smile Because It
                         Happened. ”  Dr. Seuss

I am fairly certain that Dr. Seuss was NOT referring to a Narcissist when the quote above was attributed to him….
Am I a better person for having been in a realatioNship with the N?  I’m not sure.
Am I grateful to have survived the experience?  Yes!
Can I smile because it happened? Hell no.
But after two years being totally No Contact – I can smile because he’s Gone! 

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1. Gaslighting Narcissist:  I Don’t You Hear What You Hear, what voices? Voices? Maybe You’re crazy!
2. Lying Narcissist:  I’ll tell you I’ll be Home for Christmas and then I won’t show up.
3. Basic Narcissist (Garden Variety):  Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
4. Narcissist in the Manic mode:   Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And….
5. Narcissist AKA Multiple Personality Disorder:  We Three Queens/Kings Disoriented Are
6. Paranoid Narcissist:  Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
7. Narcissistic & BPD: You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I’m Gonna Cry & I won’t tell you why
8. Psychopath Narcissist:  Thoughts of roasting you on an open fire…
9. The N in OCD mode:  Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
10.  Martyr Narcissist:  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I sit here and hyper-ventilate…no no, go ahead…I’ll make you
       pay dearly – later.

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