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Posts Tagged ‘Vampires’

Mother’s Day:
Imagine my excitement.   I got the last copy of Charlaine Harris’ new book when I scoured my favorite book store today.  I’ve fed my family, my cards and gifts have been opened and the flowers are in water…..
I am off to read….do I have to go to work tomorrow?

Spoiler alert! 

I loved Charlaine Harris’ new book.  I purposely read slowly to savor every Sookie-ism.  There were so many great lines in this book.  I am looking forward to seeing if Sookie and Eric’s relationship “develops” and how long will her cousin be her housemate.

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Cat_Eyes

Can you tell a Narcissist by his eyes? 

This sweet cat would no doubt be offended at the comparison. 
The individual asking Google the question used the phrasing  “Can you tell a narcissist with his eyes.”  I don’t think you can necessarily tell what kind of human being a person is, by their eyes. 
I have only known one bona fide narcissist and I know what his eyes were like. 

Some people are shy, they can’t look you in the eyes for very long.  It’s not that they are dishonest, it just makes them uncomfortable, makes them feel vulnerable, to look in another person’s eyes for very long.  Being a victim of a narcissist left me feeling fragile and fearful to let people see my eyes.  As if, they would be able to see the pain that was written there. 

Many people like myself have been harmed by individuals who portrayed themselves as genuine, when in actuality there wasn’t a human emotion in their being….the only emotions they had, were mirrored from another living, breathing person.  To look a narcissist in the eye is the beginning of losing a part of your self…they take so much – they take as much as they can and then they leave the shell of their victim behind. 

There is the famous phrase that says:  “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” 
I don’t know if that is true or not.  People would be afraid to look anyone in the eye if it was.  Everyone would be able to see each others flaws, hurts, their darkest secrets. We know (those of us who were/are victims), that narcissists have no soul…at least it seems that way to us after we have been abused by them for a season or in the unfortunate cases of some…a lifetime. 

Since the demise of the narcissist, I have gotten good, or should I say better at reading people.  I like to think of it as radar or maybe  N-dar.  It would be even better to say that I listen to my Intuition now.  I watch body language when I meet people; when I interact.  I watch how people comport themselves…I watch their eyes.  I look to see if they attempt to ‘lock me in their gaze’ and not look away. 
There’s a Red Flag waving. 

Sometimes I wish I had Sookie Stackhouse’s (True Blood) gift of hearing thoughts.  She would be quick to say that she does not read minds, but rather thoughts and feelings.  But like Sookie, it is impossible to ‘glamour’ me.  Sorry Bill…Sorry Eric, it won’t work. 

I will tell you one thing about the narcissist’s eyes….his eyes changed color. 
I know, I know, it’s not supposed to be possible, not without contact lenses. 
I know it sounds like something out of Hollywood or a popular novel…Edward’s eyes changed from golden to black, when hungry. 
I can only tell you what I saw.  
The N’s eyes would turn black when he raged or during an episode of Devalue & Discard (we’re not talking Dungeons and Dragons)
His eyes changing color was something that happened many times. 
Truly, his eyes looked like a shark’s eyes.  Empty, cold and unfeeling….just like him.

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When I was growing up there were TV shows and movies that we were not allowed to watch.  I always wanted to see rollingstoneThe Graduate starring Dustin Hoffman when it came to TV (very edited) but my mother wouldn’t let us see it.  When I became an adult, the ‘forbidden fruit’ of watching R rated movies lost its allure…I never have seen the uncut version of The Graduate

Dark Shadows from the 1960’s was one of those TV shows that I couldn’t watch.  I remember that it came on at 4 pm when homework and piano lessons were over; but I never argued with, The Rules. 

I did as I was told…contrary to the present generation…
four boys come to mind…especially the youngest one who’s first name starts with an “S”……

So, I was understandably excited when in January 1991,  the remake of Dark Shadows with Ben Cross came to TV as a mini series. I loved the mini series genre.  Shogun…The Thorn Birds…I know I have more of them around here on VHS….What is that? 

During this time Hubby had a recurrence of cancer and was going through chemotherapy.   If Dark Shadows turned out to be scary…
(my life at that time was scarier) it would be okay.  While he was doing his part for the war effort being an Armchair General of Operation Desert Storm; I was watching Dark Shadows in the other room. 

I loved it.  It was like reading Stephen King’s “IT” while Hubby underwent radiation treatments….it was an escape. 
I admit that I toyed with the idea of calling my mother and saying, “Ha!  I’m a grownup now.  I can watch whatever I want!”  But I was a good daughter; I didn’t. 

The remake ended on a cliffhanger as I remember and there was never a sequel made.  Sad face as Sam would say.  I looked for it at Borders; but I really should have checked on-line. 

This past week while I was hibernating on the couch with tissues, Tylenol, antibiotic, antihistamines, Emergen-C, nasal spray, ear drops….(not a pretty picture) I saw a commercial for the Dark Shadows 24 hour marathon on Chiller.  I was so excited, I had a coughing spasm. 

ATT has been recording since 3 am Sunday morning.  I can’t wait to have my own marathon…just not 24 hours straight….one needs a break from vampires now and then.  Especially the narcissistic emotional soul draining kind of vampires. 

300_135450I finally have an excuse to use this photo…. 
We’ve watched him as a pirate, a barber and now a vampire.  I was delighted to hear that this hunk will be starring in Tim Burton’s version of the remake of the 1960’s Dark Shadows. 

I will not be scared to sit in a darkened theatre and watch Johnny Depp portray vampire, Barnabas Collins.   I predict that this movie will be even more popular than Twilight.  I have not read anything info that has the premiere date; but it probably won’t be in November of this year…..fans and Summit don’t want anything to steal the thunder of New Moon

My next mission- find a mini series called…Wolf Lake…about a family of werewolves….
Are you seeing a trend here? 
Maybe this will be the direction my blog will take since posts about the N are nearly at their conclusion…just a thought.

Update:  April 26, 2009 – The Wolf Lake Marathon will be coming on the Sci-Fi Channel on April 28, 2009 from 8 am to 3 pm. 

wolf_lake_series_photo

Thanks to Google, Rollingstone, CBS, and the fortunate photographer who had the photo shoot with Johnny Depp.  I wish I had taken that photo.  : )

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The hot genre right now in young adult literature is ‘Vampire Romance.’  Unless you have been living on a deserted island for the past three years, I’m not sure how you could not have heard of the books Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.  Written by Stephenie Meyers, Twilight is about a teenage girl named Bella Swan who falls in love with a “17 year old” boy (still after 100 years) named Edward Cullen, who just so happens to be a vampire.  For me, it’s just a typical day at work.

This happens to be “Twilight Week” and I dare say that tens of thousands of teenage girls (and boys) are getting ready for the release of the new film adaptation of Meyer’s first book, opening on Friday, November 21st.  The premiere, Monday night in Westwood, CA…was one hot ticket.  The book, Twilight was released in the Fall of 2005, and teenage readers (and adults) have been crazy about it ever since.  Yes, I am going to see the movie….it’s sort of expected.

A more adult Vampire Romance series is written by Lyndsay Sands.  It begins with A Quick Bite and ends with (currently) Vampire Interrupted.  (I hope she will write more.)  These books are funny, sexy, and sarcastic.  While Meyer’s characters (spoiler) wait until their wedding night to consummate their love, Sand’s characters give into their desires with fervor and frequency….it gets quite steamy.  These books are delightfully witty and addictive.  I would LOVE to see these books turned into movies.

The genre of Vampire Romance is not new.  In 1976, Anne Rice’s books became hugely popular with the Vampire Chronicles beginning with An Interview With a Vampire.  At some high schools, there two factions of kids, those that love Anne Rice and those that love Stephenie Meyer…a type of “Rice vs Meyer” debate.

Some students have sided with their favorite main (male) character in the Twilight saga…there are hot debates between “Team Edward” & “Team Jacob” as well as T-shirts that boldly proclaim their allegiance.  (For those not in the know, Jacob is the underdog, literally…werewolf from the Indian reservation of La Push, WA.)  Whatever side they are on is not important, just as long as the students are reading.

The author Charlaine Harris’ books have prompted the HBO series True Blood.  I will freely admit that I am hooked on True Blood.   I have not read the books yet, but the first three are on hold for me at my favorite book store.  (Warning: On the TV series, the “F-bomb” is dropped, frequently.)  The actor who portrays “Bill” has got to be the most handsome vampire I’ve seen.  Sorry Rob, but my first born is a year older than you.)

But really, this post is not about vampire romance novels.  It’s about a trait of the Narcissist.  I finally understood (Emotional, my word) Vampirism after I read Marie-France Hirigoyen’s book, Stalking The Soul- Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Idenity.  This book is a validation for anyone who has been abused by a narcissist.  Last year a friend found this book and recommended it to me.  She read parts of it over the phone to me until my copy came.  That’s a true friend.  This is the first book I’ve read re: abuse and Narcissism, where the author did not blame me, the victim, for the situation I found myself enmeshed in.  This book was an epiphany to me.  Advice when reading?  Keep that yellow highlighter handy.

Up until this point in my recovery, I had not read about Vampirism as it could apply to the Narcissist.  Webster’s Dictionary defines Vampirism this way: Vampirism: n. 3. the act or practice of preying ruthlessly on other people.  Preying on others, seeking them out, ruthlessly…without pity or compassion…that would be the N.  While N does not bare his fangs to suck the blood out of his victims, he does suck the life, the joy, the motivation, the personality….from them.

The following are quotes from Stalking The Soul specifically the section on Vampirism.  There is so much good material I wanted to share, I had a hard time knowing where to stop.  The book is so good; You will have to order it from Amazon yourself.  The author’s words are concise and accurate, I found myself often saying, out loud…Are you talking about the N I knew?

The partner doesn’t exist as a person but as a prop for a quality the abuser wishes to appropriate…

Abusive Narcissists intensely envy those who seem to posses what they do not or those who simply enjoy life…..They attack the others self esteem and self confidence in order to increase their own self worth…they appropriate the others self worth…

They try to destroy the happiness around them…they undermine simple relationships because of cynicism and their incapacity to love…They impose on others their dark vision of the world and their chronic dissatisfaction with life…

Their critical sense is highly developed, so they spend lot of time criticizing everyone and everything; this allows them to remain all-powerful; “If others are worthless, that means I must be better than they are.”

They dampen the enthusiasm of the people around them, seeking foremost to show that the world and its inhabitants are evil and that their partner is also bad…One sees in abusers wild infatuations followed by brutal and irreparable rejection….

People around them don’t understand how someone can fall from grace in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason……!!! 

Validation!  Thank you, I’ve never understood the fall from grace either. 

      How are these individuals so alike in their dysfunction?  After reading posts from so many women, (statistics show that more men are narcissists than women) I’ve entertained the thought that they ALL must have graduated from the same Alma mater…but they certainly could not have been in the same dorm….there wouldn’t have been enough mirrors to go around.  I am only able to joke about the N now because I am away from him.  Everything about him was poisonous.

At the end of this so-called friendship my self esteem was slowing ebbing away.  I was only capable of mirroring the shell of the human being I had become.  Like Dracula’s bride, would I have become a Vampire like him on the third bite?  Would Van Helsing have had to ‘stake’ me?  The Narcissist continued the various types of abuse that he inflicted upon me on a daily basis.  Some days he might throw me a bone, with a kind word, or sometimes I got a glimpse of the man (Pretend guy) that was my friend. (idolized).  But that was soon gone, as he sucked the last drops of humanity from me.  The strange thing is, when I look back on those years, the photos I see of my self, I look normal…but I was far from it.

I finally figured out that the N wanted the beautiful qualities (human) that he saw in me.  He set out to appropriate all things positive.  Slowly, over the course of many months, he drained me of the very things that made me, me.  The good news is that I have slowly gotten my identity back; but I will never be the warm, trusting, kind soul that I once was.  Maybe that is for the best.  I think it would have been simpler if the N had been wearing a T-shirt that said “Beware – EVIL.”  Perhaps he was, maybe he had it on under his “sheep’s clothing.”

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