Sometimes I get my ideas for a post by using the search engine terms. One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging. She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…” I call these my FAQ’s – Frequently Asked Questions.
Deja vu: I wrote this nearly three years ago and it describes so well the frequently asked question I receive at least once a week from people trying to understand the N in their life. I’ve dug up this dinosaur and brought it into 2011.
A pink spoon means one thing…Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors. I’ve had my favorite flavors since childhood, & I have a drawer full of those pink spoons at home. It’s not because we go out for ice cream very often, but because I save the spoons. They are very useful. I use them for all sorts of projects, rubber stamping, mixing paint, even for serving the cat’s dinner. When at my wit’s end, I’ve even used them for getting that reluctant child to try some new kind of food…even a bite of some dreaded vegetable tastes good on a pink spoon. (Don’t worry, it’s not the one I used for the cats.)
So – You might be asking yourself what does a pink spoon have to do with NPD? A Narcissist views people as disposable; they are ‘pink spoons’. To a N, people are things, not friends, family or lovers. He will use people (aka his victims/targets) as long as they serve a purpose for him, as long as they make him look good, as long as they agree with him.
People provide the N with what is called “Narcissistic Supply” (NS). Relationships mean nothing to the N; he is incapable of loving anyone let alone even showing one iota of concern for someone. He can NEVER be emotionally involved with another person. A Narcissist will use someone for whatever reason, for whatever purpose, as long as they are a good source of NS for him. Break his rules & suffer the consequences. This ‘devaluing’ is repeated over and over again.
It’s not hard to break the N’s rules. They are varied and change sometimes daily. What makes him rage one day, might make him smirk another. Question his decision? Ask him to repeat what he just told you? Chances are you will get so much ‘Word Salad’ that you will wish you ordered something else on the menu. You quickly learn to be quiet. You don’t question anything, especially his statements that deep down you know are lies. Most importantly, you have to agree with everything he says.
One might think to themselves, what kind of pansy stays in this kind of a relationship? Obviously, I asked my self that same question. The only thing that I can tell you is that there was a pathology going on that I still do not understand. I am trying to understand why I was a target for an individual like this. (I can’t bring my self to call him a person, my cats have more humanity than he does.)
It was very grievous for me when I realized that I was just a ‘pink spoon’ to The N. I was only a thing. How could someone who was my friend suddenly stop, do an about face, and treat me like dog s**t on his shoe? After having been idolized, I was consistently devalued over time, and then, finally, abruptly discarded. I was dumbfounded. I had no clue what my crime was that deserved this punishment I was something that he threw in the trash along with the used Kleenex & dental floss, without a moment’s hesitation. (I was going to say condom, but I doubt that he could get past the “first courtesy date” to need one….)
While The N discards his NS when he is done with them, I appreciate the richness of quality that people bring to my life. They are important; like pink plastic spoons, they are useful, they are valuable, they are worthy, not something to be used once and then cast aside.
Elisse Stuart's Weblog 